waking up early only to nap hours later makes sleep paralysis inevitable, at least for me. this used to scare me when i was younger, and i guess it still does, but the idea that conscious dreaming is just beyond my current reach makes it a little easier to swallow.
today i walked around my room briefly, my body was hard to navigate and moved as if it were under water. i did what my father told me and looked at my hand, it was incomplete, almost like an artist had given up trying to draw it. a mirror appeared in front of me and i knew it was time. “this is it”, i thought. my body struggled awkwardly to move. perhaps too hard, because without realizing it i had been sucked back into my paralyzed state. fuck. better luck next time.