there’s something so
nostalgic and pure
about getting sick
during the holidays
anticipating the change
of a brand new year
and with every inhale
of cold winter air
i’m reminded of you
our walks downtown
trips to the mall
and knotts berry farm
knowing it was the last time
i was blessed with feeling
content
now i’m grateful to lie in bed
without death on my mind
but i still long for the days
i was excited to be alive
when the world felt new
and i felt invincible
and with every passing street light
you looked more beautiful
now all i want is to appreciate
the careless warmth of a sofa
that isn’t mine
so i’ll continue to inhale
and close my eyes as i exhale
to make room for anyone
who can make me feel
invincible
wondering if one day
i’ll sit with this sickness
remembering the smell
of their house
because lately
i can’t stop thinking
about the smell of yours