i’ve been getting dizzy again
in the same way that i used to
when i convinced myself that
someone was putting something
in the food to hurt me
one nervous bite after the other
occasionally letting you know that
i think there’s something wrong with my jaw
because it’s getting too tired
and my neck is feeling stiff
and it’s making it hard to swallow
and that i better lay down for a minute
reading the news scares me
the dates in the articles scare me
i’ve been adding the numbers again
i promise that i’ll come back to you
when the dust settles after the storm
but for now i have to count the numbers
and convince myself that they mean something
or flip a coin to decide what i eat
if i eat
i’m sorry but
it’s the only way i know how to talk to it
without it it’s just a noise in my head
or a light in the other room that stays on forever