i had a panic attack in the kitchen last night
it hit really hard while billie was in the garden
picking spring onions
the sensations came on one by one
and as they did i started telling myself
all the things i was supposed to
about how many times i've been through this
and how even the thoughts were a symptom
of the disorder
how they mean nothing
i didn't leave
i stood there washing dishes
while allowing the time to pass at
whatever pace it was meant to
it's funny how much planting your feet
firmly into the ground
can feel like moving them forward
step by step