there are still parts of it that don't feel real
like that we were only here for two years
before november pulled you away so violently
that it tore my life into two halves
what an honor it was to care for you
during a time that you needed care
now all i'm trying to do
is carve my name into the earth
with the tools that you left me
while resisting the urge
to turn them on myself
i love you, dad
i think about you all the time
and i'm sorry for the destructive parts of me
that i haven't figured out yet
in this endless search
for something that feels good
i pray that i haven't lost you
and that you've just given me the courtesy
of looking away